you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
