what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
