I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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