I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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