I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
