i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
