You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
