I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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