I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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