i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
