we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
