im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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