So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
