That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
