Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
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I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
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You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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