Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
