Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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