did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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