Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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