I can tuck mytits in my pants
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
