your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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