i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
