I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
