Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
is wine microwaveable?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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