U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Randomize
