i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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