So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
