They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
