Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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