Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
