You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize