i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
