I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
and she was petting her beer can
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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