Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
