can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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