I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
