According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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