Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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