Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
