She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
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Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
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Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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