Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
