please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
