Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
