yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wish you could order shots online.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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