i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
from now on my penis is your penis
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Every concussion has its silver lining
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize