you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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