Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
