I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
