First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize