If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
