I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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