You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
