Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
