i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
