my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
