I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
