Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
