Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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