Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
