My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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