I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
