I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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