You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Sorry about my life...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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