Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
