She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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