How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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