I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Randomize
