Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Can I color on your dick again?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
