I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
