I swear she didn't look like that last week.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
