Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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